every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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