I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
