My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize