I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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