So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
