I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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