I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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