Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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