I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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