I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
