i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
