I faked an abortion last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
