You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
