isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
