Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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