Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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