wakey wakey hands off snakey
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
