I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize