okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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