I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
