How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
