Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
