I'm going to jail i love you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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