i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
