no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
