my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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