I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
