I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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