What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
