You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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