Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
