The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
