birth control should be required to get into college
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
