It's Friday. Sex?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
