he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Randomize
