My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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