there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
