I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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