if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
