Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
