I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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