The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
