he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
