Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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