he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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