hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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