I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
