At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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