I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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