So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My ass is underappreciated
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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