I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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