My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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