is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
