So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
