It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
