and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
