she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
