Dual....:-)
I just made out with a guy for $7.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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