I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So many bounce houses so little time
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
