I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
