Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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