Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
