As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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