and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize