I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
