Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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