i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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