never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I die, sorry about rent.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
