i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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