Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize