my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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