I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
