Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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