I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
