I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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