you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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