Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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