new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
