It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
