i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
