3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
