How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
