I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
