those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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