I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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