We're facebook friends in real life
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
