she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
