Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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