he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
