**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
