absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
