Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
