I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
