I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
