Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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